so yeah when i joined the navy i knew i would be spendin alot of tyme away from my familii..i mean its obvious that ima be far from them out to sea possiblii livin in another countrii..i have neva reallii lived away from my familii except for 2 years in college and even then i was flyin home for the holidays and summer vacation..after i left in april of 2009 o went 9 months before i saw my familii..then i onlii saw them for 6 days at christmas..
when i first got out of bootcamp it was hard not havin seen them for so long..they couldnt make it to graduation to visit so..i jus hung out with friends..
after not seeing them for 3 months i started to not reallii miss them..i mean i wished i could see them..but at the same tyme it wasnt as bad as i expected..i have started to see that no matter how much i miss them they still wont be here..and i have to continue in my training and eventuallii to the fleet..as they have to continue on with their lives..i guess im startin to shut my feelings off as much as possible in order to keep sane..i cant miss anii one person too much or the job i have to do would be compromised..
i love my famillii more than aniithyn in this whole world..its hard not to be able to feel that love the same way i used to..but its easier to not let the absence of those that love me get to me than to dwell on it..i guess this is the way i have always delt with lose..never straight on..always from an angle and the feelings surrounding that lose are always muted and pushed aside so that i never truelii deal with them..i kno they are exist and somewhere inside me..but i jus choose not to deal with them..i hope this lyfelong method of dealin with being without those i love helps me this next five year and possiblii twentii as my navy career takes off..
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