this shyt reallii pisses me off..i havent even made it to the fleet yeat and i alreadii gotta deal wit these lazii ass females. in my maintenance class there is this chick A..we went to bootcamp togetha and have been in 3 schools togetha so far. well aniiway the one thyng i cant stand about her that makes me dislyke her..and not want to hang wit her after knowin her for ova a year now is the fact that she is a lazii ass female that uses men in class and that she meats to do wat she wants. in class she neva wants to work..here i am the onlii otha female in the class liftin heavii ass equipment and scrapin and cuttin my hands up cuz sometymes that shyt happens on the job..but this bitch always finds away to sit on her ass and do as little as possible..she always sayin shyt lyke..its too heavii for me to lift, or this is too tight can you get it..or i cant put this bakk on..she always cryin to the males in our class to do the work for her. its crazii cuz she isnt that prettii i mean she has a nice ass for a white girl but her nose fukks her face up..and this men be doin wateva she say..the shyt jus pisses me off. but we got a new instructor and he dont play that shyt he makes her work..but the males in my class was still doin her work for her til about a month ago when they realized wat she was doin..so now she onlii has two guys that will help her.
the thyng that pisses me off the most about her is that she isnt the onlii female out there thats lyke that..im sure when i get to my ship there will be a females thats jus lyke A..and the fact that males allow them to skate is ridiculous..its crazii cuz the first instructor we had was lyke her..she was lazii as shyt and she neva knew exactlii how to do wat she was supposed to be teachin us..she used to tell us about how all the males in her shop would make her do all the work cuz she was a female..at first i felt bad for her..wondered if i was gonna get the same type of treatment..i might..but at the same tyme i bet they treated her that way because she was lazii as shyt. i thynk that i will be fine..i mean if i work hard and do my job i shouldnt have a problem wit the males in my shop..
these females still piss me the fukk off..havin to work wit them and jus seein the way they flirt with and lead boys on jus to get wat they want out of them..but at the same tyme i cant change her or the males that do her work for her..all i can do is do the work assigned to me and show everiione in my shop that i am a good tech and that i can be that tech that ppl call on when they cant fix wats wrong with their system..
but should i get one of these females in my shop im not gonna put up wit it cuz that shyt is madd unfair and im not about to do more work cuz some bitch thynk she dont have to do anii..
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
wearin a uniform everiiday
yo onlii once in my lyfe have i wore a uniform because i had to..team sports in school was different i wanted to wear that uniform as a part of a team..then i worked at safeway for about 3 weeks and wore a uniform there. but now..being in the navy i wear a uniform everii single day..and its crazii to wake up in the mornin and put on the same thyng 4 days a week and wear it all day lookin lyke everiione else wearin the same thyng..and thynk nothin of it..i mean it used to bother me to wear the same stuff otha ppl was wearin..i mean its impossible in this period in tyme to be completelii original in fashion..but to add your own spin to a style was a thyng i lyked to do..even now when i get off work i wear clothes that i lyke..shoes that i lyke disregardin wat other ppl may think of my style becuase it express me. but durin the day..when im workin lookin lyke everiione else is fine.
i even go so far as to try and look as squared away as possible..to make my uniform look the best it can..boots shined as best as i can everii night before i hit my rack..to keep my cover as sharp as possible..to sew buttons for 2 hours on all my uniforms to reinforce them..to do wat eva i can to look my best as a Petty Officer Third Class and show my fellow shipmates and example of wat doin small minor things to make yourself look as smart as possible in unifrom looks lyke..to care. i used to hate wearin a uniform in bootcamp..wanted my civilian clothes bakk..and when i got to my first training command after boot i couldnt wait to gain the privilege of wearin civilian clothes..and used to look for ways to cheat at lookin squared away..now i take pride in workin.. actualii puttin in tyme to look my best.
i guess its the idea that lookin good in uniform shows that you care about your appearance..that you take pride in yourself..if you dont care how your sleeves are rolled or if your boots are shinned..or if your hair looks lyke you took tyme to do it..then whii should someone else take pride in your work..or you as a person..i mean when i see someone that looks lyke a shytbag i thynk would i want that person workin with me in front of my superior..when they look lyke they dont care and i let it slide it looks lyke i dont care about them..or the image of my work center..a uniform is a funnii thyng..it creates unity between ppl where otherwise their might not have been..so when i put on my unitform i want my shipmates to see that i care about the unity as a fightin in the navy that bonds..
lol..i sound brainwashed..oh well..everiione is brainwashed about somethyn..
i even go so far as to try and look as squared away as possible..to make my uniform look the best it can..boots shined as best as i can everii night before i hit my rack..to keep my cover as sharp as possible..to sew buttons for 2 hours on all my uniforms to reinforce them..to do wat eva i can to look my best as a Petty Officer Third Class and show my fellow shipmates and example of wat doin small minor things to make yourself look as smart as possible in unifrom looks lyke..to care. i used to hate wearin a uniform in bootcamp..wanted my civilian clothes bakk..and when i got to my first training command after boot i couldnt wait to gain the privilege of wearin civilian clothes..and used to look for ways to cheat at lookin squared away..now i take pride in workin.. actualii puttin in tyme to look my best.
i guess its the idea that lookin good in uniform shows that you care about your appearance..that you take pride in yourself..if you dont care how your sleeves are rolled or if your boots are shinned..or if your hair looks lyke you took tyme to do it..then whii should someone else take pride in your work..or you as a person..i mean when i see someone that looks lyke a shytbag i thynk would i want that person workin with me in front of my superior..when they look lyke they dont care and i let it slide it looks lyke i dont care about them..or the image of my work center..a uniform is a funnii thyng..it creates unity between ppl where otherwise their might not have been..so when i put on my unitform i want my shipmates to see that i care about the unity as a fightin in the navy that bonds..
lol..i sound brainwashed..oh well..everiione is brainwashed about somethyn..
love and happYness
so im sittin here watchin brandy & ray j: a family and on twitter and i see a tweet from one of my ex's friends that says "11:11 make a wish" and in my head i wish for love and happYness..and i find myself wishin to be in love and to be happy with a female..but not wit aniione in particular..i mean my ex and i have been broken up for about 3 weeks now..the shyt aint goin that hawt is the area of gettin bakk togetha..and instead of wishin to be bakk wit her im wishin jus to be happilii in love with a woman that will love me bakk..accept me for who i am..and kno that she need not worrii bout the next chick cuz to me she is the best chick. and as i thought about that more and more i realized that i jus want that..and if i cant have that wit my ex then i guess i have to thynk about and move on to havin love and happYness wit some other woman..i want a navy wife and i want to be able to have someone that will be able to handle the lyfe i have chosen to live. a lyfe of deployment..long hours..stress..and lonelii nights. but much more than all of that she has to be able to be soooo secure and trustin of me because the navy will require me to be away and i love makin friends..if you cant trust me when im away or wit my friends then we cant be..because jus as much as i need a wife that will support me..love me..trust me..and be willin to be my navy wife..i need friends to round out my lyfe..i cant jus have a wife and familii..i need friends to help me thru..to talk to about my problems..and she cant let me have that and trust that i am loayal to her mentallii and sexuallii it wont work..so for awhile i am goin to be alone..jus do me and take the tyme to build myself into wat i want to become..ppl say they grow..well ima bout to build the me i want to be..take wat i am and add wat i need..hopefullii wat i become is a good woman that can become a good wife and mother..
my favorite ppl in the world..
gay boys are by far my favorite ppl in the wold wide world..i love feminine gay males..i lyke hangin out wit them..talkin wit em..clubbin wit them..all that..i didnt even realize how much i loved their companii until i joined the navy and started A school..it was then that i met M and J.. i met M first thru a girl in my school house and instantlii we became great friends i mean within 15mins of chillin we were a match made in heaven..then thru M i met J and at first me and J werent as close but after a long weekend wit both J, M, and my leszii friend Boogie we all became the perfect 4some..i tell you me and M were definatelii the closest i mean we got along so much..we spent tons of tyme togetha clubbin and jus chillin. after he left we became a 3some J, B, and I..we still did everiithyn the same but there was a void without M that we would fill ocassionallii wit a random 4th person dependin on who was available..then duh duuh dunnnn..J left and then there were 2..B and my friendship grew and we became bestfriends..still missin M and J tho..
those to gay boys introduced me to a group of ppl i had never reallii hung out wit before and since then i have found that i lyke chillin wit gay boys..but they will always be the best gay boys and the first..holdin a special place in my heart..even if we are neva re-united in the way we once were we still do our thyng on fb messages and posts..and our friendship is definatelii rooted far deeper than jus the fact that we are all queer..it is our common interest but the bond stems from an actual love for each other..my favorite ppl in the world right now outside of my familii are M..J..and B..cant wait for us to re-unite once more and do it big lyke we used to do.
lovin M..J..and B..my favorite ppl in the whole wide world!!!!
those to gay boys introduced me to a group of ppl i had never reallii hung out wit before and since then i have found that i lyke chillin wit gay boys..but they will always be the best gay boys and the first..holdin a special place in my heart..even if we are neva re-united in the way we once were we still do our thyng on fb messages and posts..and our friendship is definatelii rooted far deeper than jus the fact that we are all queer..it is our common interest but the bond stems from an actual love for each other..my favorite ppl in the world right now outside of my familii are M..J..and B..cant wait for us to re-unite once more and do it big lyke we used to do.
lovin M..J..and B..my favorite ppl in the whole wide world!!!!
male vs. female friendships
so even before i came out i have always gotten along with men better than women..i mean they were jus always easier to talk to and chill wit..the females i knew where always tryin to be fass and that jus wasnt me..plus i was a tomboi which made it even harder for me to fit in wit girls my age.
now that i been out its even easier for me to connect with males..i mean im close to females as well but most of them are lesbians so we are more lyke familii..unless there is a strong common interest straight girls and i dont get that close..as of right now i have 2 close straight female friends and one of them jus left for the fleet. im in a class of 6 and there is onlii one other female in the class besides me..i get along great with 3 of the 4 males in the class and she and i arent reallii that close..which is crazii cuz we were in bootcamp togetha and used to be roommates and have been in 3 classes together so far..but then again she is the type of female that uses men to get out of doin her job as well as for other thyngs so i dont fux wit her at all.
but its crazii cuz all the males that i kno obviouslii kno that im gay and they seem to want to become good friends with me..at first there are tons of ?uestions about wat lesbians "do" but after that they tend to love to chill wit me..they always treat me lyke one of the boys and always have my bakk..
the thyng is i have verii few strong withstandin female friendships..i thynk its because there are so manii more emotions involved in the friendship..wit males i find that no matter how long you dont talk to them or see them when you get bakk togetha the friendship is the same..the love is the same..plus males get over arguements and fights alot easier than females..they dont hold grudges as long and dont get hung up on pettii stuff.
now i would love to have long withstanding female friends and i do actuallii have a handful which right now is enuff..i jus have a lot easier tyme chillin wit males..espcialii males in the military..they except my queerness and love me for it actuallii..its lyke that part of my lyfe makes me an honorary man to them..maybe thats whii my male friendships are easier to foster and maintain..because males except me easier and right away..everiione want to have friends that they fit in with..that take them for wat they are..and outside of queer men and women..straight men are next in line.
now that i been out its even easier for me to connect with males..i mean im close to females as well but most of them are lesbians so we are more lyke familii..unless there is a strong common interest straight girls and i dont get that close..as of right now i have 2 close straight female friends and one of them jus left for the fleet. im in a class of 6 and there is onlii one other female in the class besides me..i get along great with 3 of the 4 males in the class and she and i arent reallii that close..which is crazii cuz we were in bootcamp togetha and used to be roommates and have been in 3 classes together so far..but then again she is the type of female that uses men to get out of doin her job as well as for other thyngs so i dont fux wit her at all.
but its crazii cuz all the males that i kno obviouslii kno that im gay and they seem to want to become good friends with me..at first there are tons of ?uestions about wat lesbians "do" but after that they tend to love to chill wit me..they always treat me lyke one of the boys and always have my bakk..
the thyng is i have verii few strong withstandin female friendships..i thynk its because there are so manii more emotions involved in the friendship..wit males i find that no matter how long you dont talk to them or see them when you get bakk togetha the friendship is the same..the love is the same..plus males get over arguements and fights alot easier than females..they dont hold grudges as long and dont get hung up on pettii stuff.
now i would love to have long withstanding female friends and i do actuallii have a handful which right now is enuff..i jus have a lot easier tyme chillin wit males..espcialii males in the military..they except my queerness and love me for it actuallii..its lyke that part of my lyfe makes me an honorary man to them..maybe thats whii my male friendships are easier to foster and maintain..because males except me easier and right away..everiione want to have friends that they fit in with..that take them for wat they are..and outside of queer men and women..straight men are next in line.
tyme away from the fam..
so yeah when i joined the navy i knew i would be spendin alot of tyme away from my familii..i mean its obvious that ima be far from them out to sea possiblii livin in another countrii..i have neva reallii lived away from my familii except for 2 years in college and even then i was flyin home for the holidays and summer vacation..after i left in april of 2009 o went 9 months before i saw my familii..then i onlii saw them for 6 days at christmas..
when i first got out of bootcamp it was hard not havin seen them for so long..they couldnt make it to graduation to visit so..i jus hung out with friends..
after not seeing them for 3 months i started to not reallii miss them..i mean i wished i could see them..but at the same tyme it wasnt as bad as i expected..i have started to see that no matter how much i miss them they still wont be here..and i have to continue in my training and eventuallii to the fleet..as they have to continue on with their lives..i guess im startin to shut my feelings off as much as possible in order to keep sane..i cant miss anii one person too much or the job i have to do would be compromised..
i love my famillii more than aniithyn in this whole world..its hard not to be able to feel that love the same way i used to..but its easier to not let the absence of those that love me get to me than to dwell on it..i guess this is the way i have always delt with lose..never straight on..always from an angle and the feelings surrounding that lose are always muted and pushed aside so that i never truelii deal with them..i kno they are exist and somewhere inside me..but i jus choose not to deal with them..i hope this lyfelong method of dealin with being without those i love helps me this next five year and possiblii twentii as my navy career takes off..
when i first got out of bootcamp it was hard not havin seen them for so long..they couldnt make it to graduation to visit so..i jus hung out with friends..
after not seeing them for 3 months i started to not reallii miss them..i mean i wished i could see them..but at the same tyme it wasnt as bad as i expected..i have started to see that no matter how much i miss them they still wont be here..and i have to continue in my training and eventuallii to the fleet..as they have to continue on with their lives..i guess im startin to shut my feelings off as much as possible in order to keep sane..i cant miss anii one person too much or the job i have to do would be compromised..
i love my famillii more than aniithyn in this whole world..its hard not to be able to feel that love the same way i used to..but its easier to not let the absence of those that love me get to me than to dwell on it..i guess this is the way i have always delt with lose..never straight on..always from an angle and the feelings surrounding that lose are always muted and pushed aside so that i never truelii deal with them..i kno they are exist and somewhere inside me..but i jus choose not to deal with them..i hope this lyfelong method of dealin with being without those i love helps me this next five year and possiblii twentii as my navy career takes off..
Bry'Nt..Porn Star2
ok so i was on gayhiphpop.com and i was in their free download tab and i ran across an artist name Bry'Nt so i downloaded his album Porn Star 2 Free from the site..and i love it.i love his flow and the way he is not afraid to incorporate the fact that he is gay and proud to be into his lyrics..my two favorite songs would have to be Beat It Up and Porn Star..definatelii be lookin out for his next album while i trii to find his first. be on the look out for him..
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